Archive for December, 2007

27.12.07 | 0

Beowolf

The very first time that I heard, or more accurately read, the word Beowulf was in a high school English class. Mrs. Wells had perfected the technique of presenting any sort of literature in such a fashion so as to completely kill off any interest in the subject on the part of impressionable 15 year […]

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24.12.07 | 0

Buying a Sandwich

It sounds a bit like a cheap vaudeville joke, but a programmer walks into a sandwich shop… It’s actually one of those ‘Subway’ sandwich shops. The programmer has been stopping by this exact location on the way home from the gym at least once a week for the past year. He has always ordered the […]

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17.12.07 | 0

A Man Walks Into a Bar

A programmer goes to a bar one Sunday night. It is a TGI-Friday’s. It is a very normal, mainstream establishment. If there are no TGI-Friday’s in your town, think of an International House of Pancakes with margaritas. The Programmer sits at one end of the bar. At the other end is a burly, bearded man […]

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14.12.07 | 0

Tech Suport: Episode 1

The vice president of CPM II (Crazy People Manufacturing II, not the company’s real name) returned from his vacation Monday (Hawaii). The company makes airplane parts. I’m not exactly sure which specific parts, but they are integral to keeping the plane up in the air, rather than just decorative trim along the outside of the […]

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A programmer arrives at his Dentist. The programmer has learned never to schedule appointments after 12 noon. (For the explanation see previous episode.) It is now 11:30 AM. Once again the staff is composed of entirely new employees. The tall willowy dental hygienist is not quite as tall, or willowy as the programmer has come […]

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A programmer goes to the gym Tuesday. It is a normal day, until he returns to the locker room. A pale, fat, naked man approaches him and stands at a distance of approximately 18 inches. Fat-Naked-Man Hi, my name’s Nick. What’s yours? Me Uh….. Dow Fat-Naked-Man Hi Al-don. Ever been to France? Me Why, er, […]

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Last Thursday it was very windy in L.A. Depending upon which news program one watches this meant that between 73,000 and 125,000 people were without electricity and thus unable to microwave their lunches. Fortunately, power was returned for most Angelinos before dark. As I watched television the following day my aged mother turned to me […]

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A programmer arrives at his Dentist. He usually schedules his appointments for late afternoon, but this time the only slot available was at noon. The Dentist is a gifted professional whose personal and business skills are a shambles. Once again this man’s staff is composed of entirely new employees. The tall willowy dental hygienist straps […]

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I don’t collect guns. I have friends who collect guns, but I don’t collect guns. Although when confronted at cocktail parties by aggitated guests who demands to know, “Do you own any guns?” I always answer, “Well, yes. As a matter of fact I do.” However, the only gun that I own is one that […]

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06.12.07 | 0

Street Theatre

Back when I was a callow youth, I was walking in through the entrance of what was then the Broadway store in the Northridge Mall. My father was once again arguing the points for his position that the real reason we went to India was to provide the locals with various leather bound copies of […]

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