A neighbor arrives with a warning about diseased squirrels dropping poisoned food into her yard. Her dog had been very sick, and she didn’t want anyone else to go through what she’d experienced. Neighbor: I wanted to warn you.  My dog has been very sick. Programmer: Mine too. Neighbor: No, my dog went to the […]

Minister (After calling the deceased by two different wrong names) … And don’t forget to attend the wonderful reception back at the house. Programmer Hmm… Lady sitting in the pew next to the Programmer WONDERFUL ? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high? I mean, I’m gonna be kinda disappointed if they don’t have […]

A programmer enters a moderately high brow Greek restaurant in a moderately high brow neighborhood.  The type of neighborhood that fines people for parking in front of the residents’ houses whilst dining at  local restaurants.  He sits down, and waits for his luncheon guests. Greek Waiter: Hello and welcome.  My name is Mmmrmpf-Mmmrburgh. Programmer: I […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on…  What’s that new bread?  I think it has ‘cheese’ in the name? Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Umm, it’s one of the new breads.  It […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on wheat. Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Wheat. (Looks at a sign promoting ‘Omega 3 Wheat Bread) Umm, what’s the difference between wheat bread and Omega […]

Act I A programmer enters his local Wells Fargo branch. He has held an account here for almost 10 years. He thought that he knew all the employees, and he thought that the employees knew each other. Bank Clerk #1: Hello. Welcome to Wells Fargo. Can I help you. Programmer: Yes, I have some questions […]

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the sun is (barely) over the horizon.  A programmer is awakened by the incessant ringing of his front door bell.  He stumbles to the front door, opens it, and is confronted by two friendly tradesmen in matching T-shirts.  Programmer: Yes? Tradesman #1: We’re here. Programmer: <pause> Good […]

More time has passed and there seems to have been another complete replacement of the staff at the local sandwich shop. The staff used to be Hispanic. Now they appear to be from the Indian subcontinent. I suspect that the franchisee/owner, who is from India, was compelled to trim costs by firing his staff and […]

Took my aged mother and ‘the fluffy little white dust mop dog’ for a car ride today. There are, apparently, too many red cars out on the road in Los Angeles. This is, apparently, my fault.  Because I have, apparently, not done enough to prevent my fellow motorists from making this poor choice of automobile […]

For some time there have been no barber shops. Now everyone goes to exciting, unisex, Mac Donald’s style franchise, hair salons. A programmer sits down for a haircut at ‘Freddie’s Happy Scissors’ (or some such name). Stylist: Hi! How are you? How’s your day going. Programmer: Fine. How about you? Stylist: Good. Programmer: Anything planned […]