A programmer walks into the gym Tuesday. Once again, it is an apparently normal day. As usual he has been forced to arrive 30 minutes before his aerobics class in order to find a parking space. However, today there were many parking spaces. He now finds himself seated on the carpeted floor of the aerobics room waiting the 22 minutes until the current class ends.

At this point a very attractive ‘scientifically enhanced’ blonde with very tight clothes and lots of jewelry sits down right next to him.

Scientific Blonde
Hi, good to see you again. I can’t wait for class to start.
How’s it going? Nice shirt.

She is very attractive. She is very perky and friendly. The programmer would certainly have remembered her if they had ever met before.

The Programmer
Uh… Hi?

Scientific Blonde
I just love this class. Well, not THIS class, but the class coming up. It’s just great. I get a great workout and then I feel just great. Don’t you just love this class?

The Programmer
Why… Yes… I just love this class.

Scientific Blonde
What do you do? I’m a Flight Attendant.

The Programmer
Oh? I, umm, never would have guessed.

Scientific Blonde
Really? What did you think I do?

The Programmer
Why… Err… Ah… I thought you were in Real Estate.

Scientific Blonde
Wow! You’re really good. My brother is in Real Estate.

The Programmer
Why… Err… Thank you.

Long pause. The Programmer tries to think of something to say.

The Programmer
Umm, actually I’m not really THAT good. You know that fellow over there? His name is Yoav. Well I thought that he was from Central Europe, but he’s really from Israel.

Scientific Blonde
Oh sure, Yoav. He’s a photographer.

The Programmer
He is? I thought that he worked in construction.

Scientific Blonde
No, he’s a photographer. I know because he asked me back to his place so that he could take some high contrast black and white photos of me naked, but I said no.

Suddenly she stops short having realized ‘something’.

Scientific Blonde
See I have a policy about the gym. I DON’T DATE ANYONE AT THE GYM. I DON’T HAVE LUNCH WITH ANYONE AT THE GYM. I DON’T SEE ANYONE AT THE GYM. I DON’T HANG AROUND AFTER CLASS AND TALK TO ANYONE AT THE GYM. See, it’s just more safe and less bad that way, you know socially?

It’s almost as if she thinks that he’s hitting on her. But she came over and started talking to him about being a Flight Attendant. The programmer is confused. At this point a ‘mature woman’ who is participating in the current class stops her sit-ups, gets up, walks over, and shakes her finger in the programmer’s face.

Angry Woman
Do you mind! I’m trying to take a class here! And you’re talking so loud that I can’t follow what the instructor is saying!

The programmer is now even more confused.

The Programmer
I beg your pardon? Lady, it’s sit ups. How hard can it be to follow along. You sit up, you lie down, you sit up, and you lie down. How can you possibly lose track of where you are? Listen to what the instructor is saying, “Up… Down… Up… Down??? Do you require exact directions in the rest of your life. If so you must have an absolutely magical relationship with your husband… if he has to call out those sort of instructions during romantic interludes.

Angry Woman
Well I never!

Scientific Blonde
(looks horrified)
I’m going to sit over there.
Don’t ever try to talk to me again.

Aerobics Instructor
Okay everybody, keep going. Now let’s try something different. DOWN! Up… Down… Up…

The Programmer
(to himself)
I guess it’s all part of life’s rich pageant.

Curtain.

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