Buying a Sandwich
It sounds a bit like a cheap vaudeville joke, but a programmer walks into a sandwich shop…
It’s actually one of those ‘Subway’ sandwich shops. The programmer has been stopping by this exact location on the way home from the gym at least once a week for the past year. He has always ordered the same thing, except for the one time when he made the mistake of trying a custom salad only to find out that it’s made using the same sliced lettuce and garnish that go into the sandwiches. In an effort to be helpful that is how he now orders the sandwich, “a foot long tuna on wheat.??? However, a new company policy now seems to require that all sandwich specialists, apparently Subway doesn’t have any ordinary employees and they are now all sandwich specialists, ask questions whilst assembling a sandwich.
Programmer
Hello, I’d like a foot long tuna on wheat please.
Sandwich Specialist
OK, tuna on wheat. What kind of bread would you like?
Programmer
I beg your pardon?
Sandwich Specialist
What kind of bread would you like… On your sandwich… What kind of bread would you like?
Programmer
On my foot long tuna on wheat? What kind of bread would I like on my foot long tuna on wheat sandwich?
Sandwich Specialist
Yes.
Programmer
I would like wheat bread.. on my foot long tuna and wheat sandwich.
Sandwich Specialist
And you want tuna?
Programmer
What? I beg your pardon?
Sandwich Specialist
You want tuna on your sandwich?
Programmer
Yes please. I would like tuna on my foot long tuna on wheat bread sandwich on wheat bread.
Sandwich Specialist
What do you want on the sandwich?
(gestures at the various vegetables and garnishes)
Programmer
Everything except mustard and mayonnaise please.
Sandwich Specialist
Um, what do you want?
(gestures more dramatically at the vegetables)
Programmer,
Ah, I guess I’ll have; lettuce, tomatoes, onions, green pepper, pickles, olives, salt and pepper, oil and vinegar, but no mustard or mayonnaise.
No, NO mustard or mayonnaise, and would you cut it into thirds please
(holds up three fingers)
Sandwich Specialist
Uh-huh
(cuts sandwich in half)
Programmer
No, not in half
(shakes head and holds up two fingers with left hand)
Cut it in thirds please
(nods head and holds up three fingers with right hand)
Sandwich Specialist
Oh?
(Squeezes sandwich back together, pats it on top, then cuts it into thirds)
Programmer
You know, that’s not really three thirds, it’s a third, a sixth, a sixth, and a third.
Sandwich Specialist
What?
Programmer
Never mind.
(walks away from the sandwich specialist and up to the.. cash register specialist.)
That’s one foot long tuna on wheat, just the sandwich, to go.
Cash Register Specialist.
Did you want the lunch, or just the sandwich?
Programmer
A foot long tuna on wheat, just the sandwich, to go.
Cash Register Specialist.
Is that dine in, or to go?
Programmer
A foot long tuna on wheat, just the sandwich, to go.
Cash Register Specialist.
Did you want a drink with that?
Programmer
Please, just a foot long tuna on wheat, only a sandwich, no drink, no cookies to go.
Cash Register Specialist.
How about chips, do you want chips?
Programmer
No
Cash Register Specialist.
Or fruit, we have fruit, or maybe a juice box?
Programmer
No and no, thank you.
Cash Register Specialist.
OK, that’ll be $5.49
Programmer
No, it should be $5.39
Cash Register Specialist.
No, $5.49
Programmer
Look at your sign. It says $5.39. You don’t charge any tax on a sandwich, so it has to still be $5.39
Cash Register Specialist.
It’s $5.49
(smiles)
Programmer
Are you saying that the price has been raised to $5.49 and that everyone forgot to change the sign?
Cash Register Specialist.
(continues to smile)
Programmer
Or are you saying that the price is really still $5.39, but that you don’t really know how to work the cash register, and now that it says $5.49 you don’t know how to go back and make it the correct price?
Cash Register Specialist.
It’s $5.49
(smiles even more broadly)
Programmer
Fine! Here it is.
Cash Register Specialist.
Thank you, see you again.
Programmer
Don’t bet on it.