Airplane Parts: I
Before I embark on the history of my career in airplane parts I suspect that I should provide a little bit of background on consulting in general. I’d been a consultant for quite some time, but it wasn’t until mid way through 1998 that I stumbled across the secret of the consulting universe. And that is, well… You really don’t care. I once worked for a special effects firm in Hollywood, and that was the official company motto, “We Don’t Care.” They even had it embroidered on the back of our sweatshirts. Whenever I went to buy morning coffee at the local diner I’d bump into strangers who were suitably impressed by the sweatshirt. The guys from the phone company always seemed to cheer and applaud when I came in. Sometimes they’d even offer to buy me a cup of coffee. Actually, the phone guys usually offered to buy me a beer, but back then I didn’t start drinking that early in the day.
It seems to me that once you become a consultant, and especially if you’re writing contract programs, then no one in the company actually works for you, and you don’t really work for anyone else. I suppose that the president, or vice president, or whoever brought you in to analyze things might be considered your boss, but since you don’t actually have to help make anything that the company produces, well… You have a lot of what might be called managerial freedom. At one point I was contracted by CPM – Crazy People Manufacturing (not the company’s real name) who made airplane parts. Actually, they machined various metal parts that went into various sub assemblies on various passenger aircraft. CPM had purchased an MRP – Manufacturing Requirements Planning, software package from RBSC – the Really Bad Software Company (not their real name either) in Texas, and CPM couldn’t seem to make it work properly. I came in, investigated the software and it immediately became obvious that no one could make it work because; 1.) It really was bad software that was missing several very important report programs, and 2.) Most of the middle level managers at CPM responsible for using the software were… Umm, the technical Data Processing term for this sort of end user is ‘Mindless Boobs.’
So my very first management meeting at CPM went something like this.
President of CPM:
Well, umm, we’re going to start the meeting, and, umm….
Me:
Do you want to start by addressing our custom program needs?
President of CPM:
Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s do that.
Me:
OK, so I’ve reviewed your work flow, and talked with the shop floor supervisors, and it seems to me that you’d benefit from the following programs, which will do this.
And I explained the programs.
Me:
Also, having taken a look at the work flow on the floor it seems to me that computer programming can’t help with issues of Quality Control, but it can really help with matters of turn around time, and tracking parts in the shop. Now I have zero experience in manufacturing, but it seems that you might consider the following procedural changes; #1, #2, #3.
President of CPM:
OK, that sounds good. Let’s do that.
And then, much to my surprise, she adjourned the meeting. Well, time passed, nothing changed, and the following week there was another meeting.
President of CPM:
So how are we doing on programming? What else do we need to do now?
Me:
Well, the programs are all written, but no one is printing out the reports and using them. So I’d say that the next step is that the staff needs to start printing and using the reports that you paid me to write for you. Also, last time I made some procedural recommendations; #1, #2, #3. No one is doing these.
President of CPM:
Hmm, what to you think we should do about that?
Me:
I think that they should start doing them.
President of CPM:
OK, great! Let’s do that. Good meeting.
And then, much to my surprise, she adjourned the meeting. Well, more time passed, and every week there was another meeting, and round about the 6th week I noticed that my participation in the meetings was now always the same. Sort of like one of those Japanese pantomime operas, but with all the participants wearing American business suits.
President of CPM:
So what’s the status on our programming?
Me:
Once again, the programs are all written, but once again no one is printing out the reports and using them. So I would once again recommend that the staff needs to start printing out these reports and use them to track parts on the shop floor. Without using these reports the staff can have no real idea where the parts are, or when they will be completed. Once again, I had previously recommend that we needed to do; #1, #2, #3. Again, no one is doing any of these things.
President of CPM:
Hmm, what to you think we should do about that?
Me:
Again, I think that they should start doing them.
President of CPM:
OK, great! Let’s do that. Good meeting.
Me:
And how about my next check.
President of CPM:
Sure, no problem
It was at this point I suddenly realized that I had no emotional stake in actually fixing or making anything. I was quite happy to tell anyone who would listen what needed to be done, but when they didn’t do it I just pocketed my check and then went home. Later that day, whilst having a beer with another consultant he pointed out that my attitude was such that I had finally reconciled myself to the true mind set of a consultant. Actually, I believe he phrased it more along the lines that I had now, “Sold my soul, and would be much happier now that I couldn’t be sucked down into the painful vortex of successfully making anything.???