I may have established in earlier rants that my career as a consultant relies upon writing computer programs that don’t really do anything. It’s not that the programs don’t work. I think that they’re all pretty darned elegant. (That’s programmer, weenie jargon for good.) However, after they’re written either; 1.) No one uses them, or 2.) No one uses them correctly.

I once wrote a very cool program that tracked where a part was out on the workshop floor based upon the last computer scan made on the work order. See, if the last scan for the work order making the J9-ABC fighter bomber landing gear was made at the lathes, then the part should be at, or very near, the lathes. Makes sense, right? One day the client invited me to a very important meeting discussing the management of their staff. Now you shouldn’t bring in a programmer, who you’re paying hourly, to listen to managers complain about how the machinists don’t follow instructions, but hey! They were paying me hourly. So I sat there and listened politely as my weekly invoice inflated before my eyes.

Some time around an hour into the meeting the Vice President of Manufacturing trotted out my report. He then used the report to support his argument that none of the line employees were following instructions. Now follow me here;

1.) The report always indicated that all the parts out on the shop floor were in different locations from his manual-tracking list.
2.) This meant that none of the workers were scanning in properly on the work orders.
3.) This meant that the computer couldn’t tell him where the jobs actually were.
4.) This also meant that the job costs being captured by the scans were not accurate. So job costing was not being performed accurately
5.) So none of the advantages promised by the computer salesman were actually being provided, so they should just dump the whole computer system, and return to the old manual system in which the vice president ran the whole shop out of his head.

I looked at the vice president. Then I looked at the report. Then I looked at the vice president again. During the long, uncomfortable pause, he may have said something like, “Am I right!??? I then said, “Well, not necessarily. Perhaps the report is correct in the location for the parts and the manual list in your hands is wrong.???

After this there was a lot of yelling, and table pounding. I don’t recall everything that was said, but I do remember the terms “Programmer Punk??? and someone stressing “I’ve got 25 years of manufacturing experience.??? Well, I apologized for insulting the VP’s manhood. Then the General Manager suggested that we all go to lunch so that the VP could calm down. On my way out the door I suggested to the VP of Sales that perhaps during lunch someone could have a walk around the shop floor and check on the physical location of the various parts in process. Then after lunch we’d know how accurate the two different methods of tracking parts really were.

When I came back from lunch the receptionist wouldn’t let me into the building. She suggested that I was through for the day, and should probably go home. Meanwhile from the executive offices behind her desk there was an awful lot of yelling and desk pounding. When I asked the receptionist what was going on she said that the lunch time check of my report indicated that it accurately described where all the parts were… TODAY. Whereas the manual list being used by the Vice President of Manufacturing accurately indicated where all the parts were as of last week and now the General Manager wanted to know how it was that his company was being run on information that was 7 days out of date. I left, and by the time I got home there was an email waiting that informed me I didn’t work for these guys any more.

Oh, and then I had to sue them in small claims court for the balance of my charges.

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