A programmer enters a moderately high brow Greek restaurant in a moderately high brow neighborhood.  The type of neighborhood that fines people for parking in front of the residents’ houses whilst dining at  local restaurants.  He sits down, and waits for his luncheon guests. Greek Waiter: Hello and welcome.  My name is Mmmrmpf-Mmmrburgh. Programmer: I […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on…  What’s that new bread?  I think it has ‘cheese’ in the name? Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Umm, it’s one of the new breads.  It […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on wheat. Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Wheat. (Looks at a sign promoting ‘Omega 3 Wheat Bread) Umm, what’s the difference between wheat bread and Omega […]

Everyone used to drive pickup trucks. Now not so much. On the one hand you were never in charge of driving everyone anywhere as part of the car pool. On the other hand, you always spent your Saturday mornings ‘Helping Friends Move Things.’ You also spent a disproportionate amount of time listening to the girlfriend […]

Act I A programmer enters his local Wells Fargo branch. He has held an account here for almost 10 years. He thought that he knew all the employees, and he thought that the employees knew each other. Bank Clerk #1: Hello. Welcome to Wells Fargo. Can I help you. Programmer: Yes, I have some questions […]

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the sun is (barely) over the horizon.  A programmer is awakened by the incessant ringing of his front door bell.  He stumbles to the front door, opens it, and is confronted by two friendly tradesmen in matching T-shirts.  Programmer: Yes? Tradesman #1: We’re here. Programmer: <pause> Good […]

Before I was a programmer I worked in the Entertainment Industry.  Before that, I was a programmer.   So the arc of my business career might be viewed as; programmer (medical type stuff), made rubber monsters, programmer again (manufacturing type stuff).  It really was rather odd how experiences in one industry provided useful experience during unusual […]

Back when I first heard the term ‘Mission Statement’ it was described as a “very broad, over all, strategic plan.”  I think programmers first started discussing Mission Statements round about the time Microsoft announced their new MS as “A PC on Every Desktop by 1990”  Not sure about the year, but I remember everyone being […]

More time has passed and there seems to have been another complete replacement of the staff at the local sandwich shop. The staff used to be Hispanic. Now they appear to be from the Indian subcontinent. I suspect that the franchisee/owner, who is from India, was compelled to trim costs by firing his staff and […]

With the Fourth of July approaching patriotic stuff has begun arriving on my front porch, and sometimes in the middle of my garden.  Every year one of the local Real Estate agents pays someone to stick American flags – cheap, plastic, made in China American flags – in the middle of everyone’s lawn throughout my […]