A neighbor arrives with a warning about diseased squirrels dropping poisoned food into her yard. Her dog had been very sick, and she didn’t want anyone else to go through what she’d experienced. Neighbor: I wanted to warn you.  My dog has been very sick. Programmer: Mine too. Neighbor: No, my dog went to the […]

Minister (After calling the deceased by two different wrong names) … And don’t forget to attend the wonderful reception back at the house. Programmer Hmm… Lady sitting in the pew next to the Programmer WONDERFUL ? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high? I mean, I’m gonna be kinda disappointed if they don’t have […]

A programmer enters a moderately high brow Greek restaurant in a moderately high brow neighborhood.  The type of neighborhood that fines people for parking in front of the residents’ houses whilst dining at  local restaurants.  He sits down, and waits for his luncheon guests. Greek Waiter: Hello and welcome.  My name is Mmmrmpf-Mmmrburgh. Programmer: I […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on…  What’s that new bread?  I think it has ‘cheese’ in the name? Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Umm, it’s one of the new breads.  It […]

Sandwich Specialist: Hello and welcome to Subway! What kind of sandwich would you like. Programmer: Umm, I’ll have a foot long tuna on wheat. Sandwich Specialist: Yes, a foot long tuna. What kind of bread? Programmer: Wheat. (Looks at a sign promoting ‘Omega 3 Wheat Bread) Umm, what’s the difference between wheat bread and Omega […]

Everyone used to drive pickup trucks. Now not so much. On the one hand you were never in charge of driving everyone anywhere as part of the car pool. On the other hand, you always spent your Saturday mornings ‘Helping Friends Move Things.’ You also spent a disproportionate amount of time listening to the girlfriend […]

Or perhaps ‘Pratfall Puppy’ ? Whilst taking the ‘Fluffy Little White Dust Mop Dog’ for walks he exhibits unusual behavior.  At least one hopes that it’s unusual.  It would be sort of depressing if all dogs were this loopy. Upon seeing rival, and smaller, dogs across the street it seems to be necessary to assume […]

Act I A programmer enters his local Wells Fargo branch. He has held an account here for almost 10 years. He thought that he knew all the employees, and he thought that the employees knew each other. Bank Clerk #1: Hello. Welcome to Wells Fargo. Can I help you. Programmer: Yes, I have some questions […]

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the sun is (barely) over the horizon.  A programmer is awakened by the incessant ringing of his front door bell.  He stumbles to the front door, opens it, and is confronted by two friendly tradesmen in matching T-shirts.  Programmer: Yes? Tradesman #1: We’re here. Programmer: <pause> Good […]

When I was a boy my father never said “car.”  He always said “automobile.”  My father was older than most of my friend’s fathers, and he came from another country.  He never learned to say “car.”  At a certain point our family stopped buying sedans, and he learned the new term “station wagon.”  He never […]